Top 10 (Less Obvious) Reasons to Live Abroad

 #10: The most amusing miscommunications occur regularly.

One night last week, I had a male friend over for dinner. I live in a flat, and the landlord's family lives above me. I thought briefly what they -- strict Muslims -- would think of a single woman having over a man, alone and at night, but then didn't think of it again. Yesterday, as I was going out, the landlady called down from her upstairs balcony to say hi and ask how I was. Then, out of the blue, she asks, "So you have a boy?"  Within the loooooong thirty seconds or so of silence that followed, as I scrambled for something to say in response, I thought: "Oh my god, I've crossed some line during the holy month of Ramadan and now she's asking me this question because she's already planning my wedding because naturally that is what must happen if I dine alone with a man in the apartment that is part of their home."  To stall the inevitable, I just did what a proper blonde girl has been taught to do; I played dumb. "Sorry?" (head tilt) "You have a boy. You know, a maid. That man who comes to clean." Oooooh! Right. She's referring to the man I hired to cook and clean for me twice a week. Huge sigh of relief. I don't have to get married after all.

#9:  Children think you're the coolest person ever.

Okay, clearly this happens without living abroad. Every parent knows their child thinks Mom and Dad are the coolest people in the world, at least until their children hit adolescence. But abroad, whole herds of children will swarm at me, sometimes following me as if I'm the Pied Piper. Inevitably, every time I go running, I get high-fived, challenged to and beaten in a sprinting race, and sang at with "Hellohowareyou?" It's a rare (and sad) day if none of the above happens on my run. Who doesn't like being that cool? If all else falls apart during the day, I know that some child will smile at me, leaving me smiling for hours.

#8: If you're a single woman, men think you're easy.

I actually hate this, but it makes for some really funny stories. Take Mr. TwentySomething in his Daddy's sleek black Audi SUV who stopped me on the street while I was running to chat me up and get my phone number.  That very night, he asked me to get coffee with him the following evening. The next morning, he texted stating that he thought I could make some "pretty tasty coffee" and that he'd rather just come to my place for it. Um...seriously dude? A few texts later, another red flag ("I already miss your gorgeous smile") caused me to stop him in his one-track-mind tracks with this text: "I'm older than I look. I just want to be friends. Hope that's okay."  I've never heard from him since.

I guess an added bonus to #8 is, if you are easy, then you're never in short supply of men.

#7: You can blame your idiosyncrasies on cultural differences.

Do your books and papers need to be in neat piles aligned with the edge of your desk? Do you do baby hand claps when you get excited about things? Do you overuse post-it notes to the point where your desk looks like Rainbow Brite threw up all over it? Well, if you play it right, you can -- at least for a little while -- rid yourself of the "crazy" moniker.  All it takes is a little, "I guess this is just how we do it in the U.S." and "I guess it's a cultural thing. I never really noticed it before."

#6: As a single woman, you will get asked, "Why aren't you married?" a lot.

At first, this was quite annoying. I mean, my relationship status is really no one else's business. (Granted, I must admit I just asked a guy recently why he didn't have a girlfriend, but it was more of a compliment in that he's hot and smart and funny and thus must have a girlfriend. Sigh...I'm such a hypocrite.)  Anyway, when the question is posed to me, I realize that I can answer with anything, and that has proven to be most amusing. For example, I can answer à la Bridget Jones: "underneath my clothes, my entire body is covered in scales." Or,  "Well, I've been married five times already, so I don't really want to get married again."  Or, my favorite which I have yet to do: start crying and then say, "Because no one has ever asked me!" See how much fun this can be?

(To be continued)