The Continuation...

#5: It's easy to play dumb

Blonde jokes aside, being in another country can allow you to get away with quite a bit at times just by perfecting a vacant expression.  Now, please don't think I'm condoning the regular use of this sort of behavior. However, the occasional use of a vacuous look comes in handy sometimes.  Once at a public bath in Japan, for instance, I was asked -- in Japanese -- to leave because of my tattoo. With the look of a confused puppy, I stared at the woman until she gave up and walked away.

#4: You get asked to do the strangest things

If I were in the States, would I ever get asked by a Korean man (speaking to me in Japanese) to be a mail-order bride? 

#3: You make people happy as they watch you eat 

My very first night in Japan, lost and confused in Sapporo on the island of Hokkaido, a guy rescued me from spending the night on the street (that is another story altogether). That night, he took me out with a bunch of his friends who ordered an assortment of Japanese food for me to try, including natto, a sticky, stinky dish of fermented soy beans. As I tenderly wrapped the residual strings of smelly stuff around my chopsticks and put that first bite into my mouth, they were enraptured. When I said I liked it and started to eat more, there was a group, "Ooooooooooooooooh!"

A couple years later, the same thing happened when my Japanese ex had me try shirako without me knowing what it was: fish sperm (or, rather, the entire sack of sperm, so I guess 'fish balls' is a more accurate translation). And no, that incident is not why we broke up, although in retrospect it would have been a good enough reason.

#2: If people come visit you, you get to watch them eat

I will never forget the sickened look on my brother's face when he ate dried seaweed in Japan or when a bowl of raw scallops was placed in front of him at my friend's house and, to be polite, he tried to eat one.  

But don't think I only like watching people (and apparently just my brother) be slightly tortured while eating strange foods; I also like watching when people who visit me actually enjoy the local food. In Costa Rica, feeding a friend a granizado (THE most delectable shaved ice treat made with sweet syrup and condensed & powdered milks), I got to watch her face radiate pure joy.

#1:  English

There are websites dedicated to funny uses/errors of English, but if you live abroad you can be a part of documenting all of the amusing signs, t-shirts, and menus around the world.  The misuse of English can be a source of daily amusement, wherever you are.

Case in point: At work one day here in Malawi, my co-workers and I were talking about the baldness of one of our colleagues (yes, a very productive day at work). Trying to help, one of my co-workers emphatically told our bald colleague: "You know, they make something for that [baldness]. It's called Miracle Grow."