Excuse me, Mister

September 11, 2011

I haven’t forgotten 9/11. But I didn’t want to write about 9/11 today because I don’t think anything I write about it will be good enough for this day. So I decided to write instead about events much less serious (and I mean like light years away from being serious) that have happened to me here recently.

Situation: Walking to work one morning, listening to my iPod, with earbuds clearly visible in my ears.

Man: Hello.

Me: (I’m bopping my head to the music, so I can’t hear you to respond. Please go away. Please go away. Please go away.)

Man: (Stepping very close to me) HELLO!!!

Me: (Damn it!) Hi. (Back to bopping my head to the music.)

Man: I see you a lot around here. Do you stay [live] here?

Me: (Well, that’s a lie. This is not my usual way to work. I’m only going this way because I wanted to go to the store to get some chocolate which I haven’t eaten yet which means I am more likely to kill you if you continue to piss me off by doing things like invading my personal space.) Yes.

Man: Where do you stay [live]?

Me: (You seriously want me, a woman walking alone, to tell you, a strange and rather large man, where I live?) I don't tell strangers that information. 

Man: Oh. (pause) I’m Benjamin.  

Me: (Is he seriously trying to pretend that once he tells me his name we’re no longer strangers?) Okay. 

Man: You don’t want to be friends with me?

Me: Uh. No. I’m going to work.

Situation: I wanted to find out information about places to stay near the area where The Lake of Stars (a music festival here in Malawi) is being held, so I decided to ask a friend of a friend – whom I’ve met only once but who I know goes each year. This exchange happened via text messaging.

Me: Hey. This is Heidi. Where do you stay when you go to the Lake of Stars? Can you suggest a place for me to stay?

Man: I camp outside for free, I have big tent so we can stay together.

Me: (Okay, clearly I have a tramp stamp visible to others that I don’t know about?) Um…I mean, do you have suggestions for a lodge for ME to stay at?

Man: Yes, there are rooms and chalets if you can book in time. I am happy to stay in both no problem.

Me: (Uh…does he actually think I’m texting him, a man I’ve met once, to stay in a hotel room with me during a weekend-long music festival? Do I actually have to waste my time explaining to him that this is not a possibility?) I think you misunderstood. I’m not staying WITH you. I’m only asking you if you know of any good lodges where I can stay. Alone.

Man: Hope to see you there dear. Lots of love.

Me: (Oh dear god…why do I even bother trying?)